Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
