why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
