You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
