He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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