nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
