tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
