How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
