Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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