Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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