I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
