You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
