Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
