This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
