The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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