i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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