I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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