1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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