i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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