I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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