FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
