TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
