There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
