just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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