I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
