finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
