AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
