She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
