So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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