my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
