So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
