The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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