Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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