Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
