i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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