I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
