Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
