So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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