i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Randomize
