I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
