Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
