I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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