I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Never joke about your clitoris.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
