Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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