i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
