So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
