he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
