just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
