i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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