Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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