How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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